


The Five Times Ryan Ross Hated Needles (and the one time he didn't)

by lovegabanti



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: 5 Times, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 21:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/691779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovegabanti/pseuds/lovegabanti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't that Ryan hated needles, per say, he just didn't have a very fond relationship with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Five Times Ryan Ross Hated Needles (and the one time he didn't)

**I. Four Years Old**

****

When Ryan was younger, he had a cherished dog named Bambi who got sick when it got bitten by this mean squirrel. It started acting all weird and when they took it to the vet, the grown ups started saying all of these things Ryan didn’t understand. The nurse lady came back with this big needle, and told Ryan to pet Bambi and tell her that he loved her.  The nurse put the needle in Bambi’s backside, and she growled. She had been doing that a lot lately. She almost bit Ryan, but  Ryan’s dad picked her up. That was how they ended up at the vet’s office, Ryan watching as Bambi slowly grew still and hey eyes drifted shut. They didn’t reopen. Not when Ryan screamed and cried and begged to let him wake her up. The nurse took Bambi into the back room, and Ryan and his mom drove home in silence. Ryan’s mom let Spencer come over the next day, even though Spencer was supposed to be grounded. Ryan cried in Spencer’s arms all day, holding Bambi’s favorite toy.

****

Spencer wrapped his arms around his best friend, confused. Spencer’s mom had woken him up and said that while he was still in trouble, Ryan needed him right now, so he could stay overnight, if Ryan felt up to it. Spencer felt important. Usually, it was Ryan taking care of Spencer, when he didn’t know something, or when he tripped and fell. Ryan always helped him up and explained words. Spencer was glad to be able to help Ryan, but say that Ryan was so upset. He did the only thing he knew, he held Ryan until he fell asleep, wishing his dreams would be better than whatever hurt him so bad while he was awake.

****

**II. Eight Years Old**

****

Ryan looked down at his hands, frowning. His mom told him at dinner that he would be needing to get a flu shot this year.

****

He looked up at his mom, asking to be excused. She nodded, already calling up Mrs. Smith. Ryan hears his mother talking as he heads up the stairs.

****

 "Ginger? Hi! I was wondering if you could send Spence over tomorrow, say around 10 or so? Ryan has to get a flu shot, and he's awfully scared about it..."

****

 He misses her reply as he scrambles up the rest of the steps and rushes to his room, pushing the door shut.

****

 "M'not scared." Ryan mumbles to himself, refusing to acknowledge the wet tracks racing down his cheeks. He slides down against his door, bringing his knees to his chest. He falls sideways, still clutching his small knees, as he drifts into an uneasy sleep.

****

 Hours later, Mrs. Ross edges open Ryan's door, finding the young boy fast asleep, curled around himself in a tight ball. She carefully gathers him in her arms and lays him on the bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders. Placing a light kiss to his forehead, she brushes his hair back before leaving out the door.

****

 "Goodnight, my angel." She whispers, smiling softly at her son.

****

* * *

******  
  
**In the morning, Ryan is awoken by the sound of a door slamming open, and a warm body leaping on top of him.

 

“Argh! Wha-?” Ryan mumbles, trying to sit up. 

 

“Hi.” Spencer smiles from on top of Ryan. “So your mom says we have like an hour before we leave for the shot.” **  
**

****

Ryan tences, eyes widening. “Oh...”

****

“Hey, what’s wrong Ry-ry?” Spencer says, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

****

“Just...f’rgot what today was.” He says quietly.

****

“It’ll be okay, Ry. I’ll be right there with you.” Spencer says. He kicks off his shoes, crawling under the covers and pulling them up to Ryan’s shoulders. “C’mere.”

****

Ryan leans closer, resting his head on Spencer’s chest as the younger boy throws his arm around Ryan’s shoulders. Falling back asleep, Ryan tucks a hand around Spencer’s waist, holding on tightly, making sure he was still there.

****

(When Ryan’s mom asked about it later, Ryan would tell her, “I’m the oldest, ma’. I’ve gotta protect Spence from nightmares or anything he might have.”

****

Ryan’s mom didn’t have the heart to tell him that Ryan was the only one of them who she’d ever seen have a nightmare of any sort.)

****

Spencer dozes slightly, listening to the sound of Ryan’s even breaths.

****

“Boys!” Ryan’s mom calls, sometime later. “It’s time to go!”

****

Hesitantly, Spencer moves to shake Ryan awake. Spencer hears footsteps coming up the stairs.

****

“We’ve gotta go, Ry.” Spencer says quietly. Ryan pushes his head further into Spencer’s chest, groaning softly.

****

Gently the door opens, and Ryan’s mother walks through the doorway, flipping on the light and holding a coat and shoes.

****

“Ryan, honey.” His mom says, gesturing for Spencer to get out of bed. “If you come with me, we can get ice cream after, how’s that?” She smiles hesitantly.

****

Ryan raises his head slightly, moving as Spencer stands up to put on his shoes. Spencer reaches out for Ryan’s hand, gently guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed. He reluctantly slides on his shoes and jacket.

****

“C’mon, I’ll race you to the car!” Spencer exclaims, heading out the door after making sure Ryan would follow.

****

“Boys! No running down stairs!” Ryan’s mom shakes her head, small smile forming.

****

Ryan’s mother heads outside, locking the door behind her. Unlocking the car doors, Spencer climbs in, taking Ryan’s hand when he climbs in after him. They spend the drive to the doctor’s office in silence, Ryan squeezing Spencer’s hand.

****

When they pull up to the doctor’s, Ryan freezes. Spencer rubs his thumb over Ryan’s hand, trying to calm him.

****

“Come on boys, it’ll be over really fast, I swear. And then we’ll go get ice cream.” Ryan’s mom says, waiting for them to get out. Spencer doesn’t drop Ryan’s hand.

****

They head begrudgedly through the door, Ryan staring at his shoes, following behind Spencer. There’s a surprisingly short wait, so before long they’re being called in by a woman in a cliche lab coat.

****

“Okay! Let’s just have you sit right up here.” Says the woman as they enter a room off to the side. Ryan climbs onto the chair, his entire frame shaking.

****

“Shh, Ry-ry, it’ll be okay.” Spencer says, hating how he can see the tears forming in Ryan’s eyes.

****

The doctor pulls out a small container of clear fluid and a needle, turning towards Ryan.

****

“This may pinch a little.” The doctor says, pushing up the sleeve of Ryan’s t-shirt. Before the doctor can pierce his skin, Ryan screams, scrambling backwards off the bench.

****

“Pl-please! Please, Momma!” Ryan cries desperately, tears flowing. “Mommy if you love me at all you won’t make me do this! Please!”

****

Mrs. Ross reaches out for him, but he doesn’t take her hand. Spencer is kneeling in front of him, where Ryan’s slid down against the wall.

****

“Ry-ry,” Spencer says softly, not wanting to startle him. He puts his hand on Ryan’s knee, slowly bringing himself closer. “Look at me, okay?”

****

Ryan looks up, immediately launching forward to wrap his arms tightly around Spencer’s neck.

****

Spencer leads him back to the chair, this time standing directly in front of him. Ryan follows, legs too shaky to argue with Spencer’s comforting hand.

****

“Now, I want you to put your hand’s on my shoulders, and look right in my eyes, okay?” Spencer says, moving Ryan’s hands. Ryan holds on tightly, back still trembling.

****

“Are we ready, then?” says the doctor, once more pulling up Ryan’s sleeve.

****

“Look at me, look at me Ry-ry.” Spencer nods as he captures Ryan’s gaze. As the doctor pushes in the needle, Ryan cries out, head falling forward slightly to rest on Spencer’s. He whimpers, biting his tongue.

****

Finally she pulls it out, pressing a band-aid on it. Ryan collapses, falling forward into Spencer’s waiting arms as his body shakes with the force of the sobs running through the small boy.

****

“I’ve got you, Ry.” Spencer whispers over and over in to Ryan’s hair, rubbing his back.

********  
  


**III. Fourteen Years Old**

****

When Ginger got up from the dinner table to answer the door, she did not expect to find little Ryan Ross, shivering with tears pouring down his face.

****

“What happened baby? Come inside.” She says, opening the door wider. Ryan shuffles inside, standing in the doorway with his arms wrapped around himself.

****

“M-my mom.” Ryan croaks, voice scratchy like he’s been screaming for hours. “She’s gotten worse. Th-they..ambulance. Dad went with. Said, said to come here. To call him to see if. If she’ll m-m-make it.” Ryan brings his hands up to his face, shaking more violently.

****

“Oh, honey. Come here.” She opens her arms and he comes forward, leaning into her embrace. “Spencer! Spence, come out here.” She calls into the house, noting how frail the boy seems, trying desperately not to cry anymore.

****

“What’s-Ryan?” At the sound of his name, Ryan pulls away from Spencer’s mom and attempts to get over to Spencer, looking more like a newborn giraffe. He begins to fall forward, but Spencer catches him, bringing a sturdy arm around his waist. Ryan makes a strangled sound, his breath continuing to hitch dramatically.

****

“I’m going to go call your father, okay Ryan?” Ginger says sweetly. Spencer nods at her from over Ryan’s shoulder.

****

Spencer holds on to Ryan until his mom comes back in the room, tears on her face.

****

“Ryan, honey?” Ginger says, coming towards them. “I got a hold of your Dad, sweetie. They...they said the cancer’s too far gone. She might not last the night. Baby, I’m so sorry.”

****

Ryan muffles his scream against Spencer’s sweatshirt, sobbing against Spencer’s shoulder. Spencer gently maneuvers Ryan towards the couch, can feel Ryan’s legs about to give out. They reach the couch and Ryan quickly wraps his legs around Spencer as well, trying to get as close to him as possible. Ryan is still trembling so Spencer keeps a firm grip, trying to keep Ryan from shaking apart.

****

“Boys.” It’s Spencer’s father this time, he has a set of car keys in his hands. “Spence, your mom is going to drive you and Ryan to the hospital, while I stay here with the twins, okay?”

****

Ginger walks through the doorway, looking more composed and takes the keys from her husband. “Your dad thinks it’ll be good for you to get as much time left with her as you can, okay Ry?”

****

Ryan merely clutches closer to Spencer in response, but gets up when Spencer does. They head out to the car, Ryan never leaving Spencer’s careful grip. They sit in the backseat, Ryan still pressed as much as he can against Spencer, finding ground in Spencer’s familiar smell and heartbeat. All too soon, and at the same time not soon enough, they arrive at the local hospital. They head through the front doors, Ginger having already gotten Ryan’s mother’s room number.

****

By the time they approach her door, Ryan seems to have mostly calmed down. If he’s gripping Spencer’s hand like a lifeline, then so be it. They come to the window looking into her room from the hallway and peer inside. On a single bed, lies Ryan’s mother, looking incredibly pale and weak. There are tubes coming out of her in multiple places, and needles poking into her skin, delivering medication.

****

Ryan drops Spencer’s hand, racing fifty feet to the edge of the hall and viciously emptying his stomach in the nearby trashcan. Spencer goes after him, placing a comforting hand on Ryan’s back. After dry-heaving, Ryan straightens his back from where he had been crouched over, leaning heavily against Spencer as he pants. Wiping his sleeve across his mouth, he grimaces at the taste. A nearby nurse, startled by the commotion, hands Ryan a paper cup full of water. He swallows it gratefully, Spencer being the only thing holding him upright. After a few moments of just breathing deeply, his eyes closed, Ryan gets his bearings and lets Spencer help him to his mother’s door.

****

Stepping inside, Ryan takes a seat on the cold plastic chair opposite his father. He takes his mother’s frail hand in the both of his.

****

“Hi Mommy.” He says softly.

****

“Hey, baby.” She says faintly. She sounds worse than Ryan.

****

“I love you so much mommy.” Ryan says, biting down on his lip to keep tears from falling.

****

“Hey-hey, shh. I’m okay, baby.” Ryan’s mother smiles. Ryan’s dad looks away. “It doesn’t even hurt that much anymore, okay?”

****

“Okay.” Ryan says, voice cracking.

****

“I love you too, Ryan.” She says, smile faltering. “I’m so proud of you, baby. I love you both so much.”

****

Ryan’s dad leans forward, kissing her on the forehead as he brushes some of her hair back.

****

“W-wanted to wait, for you to get here.” She says, letting her eyes drift shut. She sighs. Ryan tences, shaking his head. “I’m gonna go now, baby. I love you.”

****

The steady beat of her heart monitor changes to an ominous droning sound. Ryan rubs her hand.

****

“Please, mommy, please don’t leave me.” He cries. Spencer pulls him backwards as the nurses rush in, handing the doctor needle after needle. They keep injecting her with the different fluids, but the sound of the heart monitor doesn’t change.

****

Ryan hopes Spencer will have the answers. Spencer holds him, fighting his own tears.

********  
  


**IV. Nineteen Years Old**

 

“You sure about this Ry?” Spencer asks, noting how pale Ryan appears.

****

“No. Not really.” He sighs, albeit shakily. They look up as a burly looking man walks in. “I’ve gotta, though. It’s Tom Waits.”

****

“Hello folks, which one of ya’ is Ryan Ross?” He says. Ryan raises his hand in greeting. “What can I do for ya?”

  
“I want the lyrics ‘Mad as a hatter, Thin as a dime’ tattooed on my wrists, like this.” Ryan says, handing the man a picture. He nods, bringing Ryan into a back room where an assortment of needles and other things lie on a cart. Ryan shifts closer to Spencer.

****

“Sure thing, just have a seat here.” He says, studying the picture.

****

Ryan sits against the cool chair, trying not to wince when the man rubs cool gel on Ryan’s right wrist. His breathing quickens slightly, prompting Spencer to step closer.

****

“You okay, kid?” The man eyes him warily. Ryan scowls at being called a child, but remains silent, gaze locked on the floor.

****

“He doesn’t like needles.” Spencer supplies for him.

****

“Ah.” He says, preparing the black-inked needle. “You, kid. Can you hold the fidgety one’s arm?”

****

Spencer comes forward, kneeling on the floor at Ryan’s side and taking Ryan’s right arm firmly in the both of his.

 

“Just ignore him, okay?” Spencer says softly. “Don’t look at it and it’ll be okay. Just look at me, Ry.”

****

Ryan nods, breathing out shakily and gesturing for the tattoo artist to begin.

****

Ryan focuses on the warm points of Spencer’s fingertips, trying to ignore the hot stinging. He focuses on Spencer’s big blue eyes, and his bright, encouraging smile.

********  
  


**V. Twenty-one Years Old.**

****

Ryan lies on the hospital bed in the thin paper gown, coughing forcefully into his fist. Spencer rubs his back, like he’s been doing since he was admitted an hour ago. They’ve seen the doctor a few times, mostly so he can poke and prod at Ryan before scurrying off to run more tests.

****

“You’ll be okay, Ry.” Spencer says, though his voice is shakey. Touring in the winter, being introduced to new diseases in every place, takes a toll on all of them. Spencer had worried something would happen, when Ryan outright refused to get any vaccinations. When Spencer insisted, Ryan ended up having a panic attack in the waiting room before they could be seen. Spencer made Ryan swear to be careful, and he agreed.

****

When Ryan got sick, Spencer wasn’t exactly surprised. He brought Ryan soup and cough syrup, made sure to look for extra-soft tissues. Spencer became worried, however, when Ryan didn’t get better. After about a week, he started getting worse. He could barely even stand, let alone play a show. Management refused to let them cancel the performance, so they got a tech to fill in. Immediately after, Spencer borrowed one of the security guy’s car and drove Ryan to the hospital. His fever was high enough that Ryan didn’t even protest, just went wherever Spencer’s cool hands directed him.

****

The doctor comes in once more, this time holding the biggest needle Ryan or Spencer had ever seen. Ryan whimpers, and Spencer interlocks their fingers.

****

“We think we have it narrowed down.” the doctor says, setting the needle on a metal table. “I need to take a spinal tap to be sure. Can I ask you to lie on your side?”

****

Ryan obliges, beginning to tremble slightly, his breath quickening as much as it can without going into another coughing fit.

****

“Now, son, I don’t mean to frighten you, but this is going to hurt a whole lot more if you don’t stay really still.” The doctor frowns, looking to Spencer.

****

“Take deep breaths, Ry-ry.” Spencer says, using his free hand to rub up and down Ryan’s shoulder.

****

Eyes squeezed tightly shut, Ryan whimpers as the doctor pushes the needle into his lower back. He swears he can feel it taking the fluid from his spine. He brings Spencer’s hand closer. After what seems like an eternity, the doctor slips the needle out. Shaking, Ryan bring’s Spencer’s hand closer still, trying to wrap his upper body around the arm as coughs wrack through the boy’s weakened frame once more.

****

“Hurts.” Ryan says, voice shot.

****

He and Spencer sit there in peaceful quiet, broken only by Ryan’s forceful coughs.

****

“It appears you have acute meningitis, which has manifested into an accompanying case of upper respiratory tract infection.” the doctor says once he returns, “with a few antibiotic shots a day for the next week or so, and plenty of rest you should be on your feet in no time. I must warn you though, it won’t be very fun. Your immune system is practically shot, Mr. Ross. It’s going to be fighting with itself to get you okay again. I highly advise you to go get at least the basic yearly vaccinations, if not a full work up.”

****

Ryan looks up at Spencer with exhausted, yet terrified eyes.

****

“I’ll take care of you, Ry.” Spencer says, leaning down to kiss his hot forehead. Ryan relaxes against Spencer’s grip, knowing he can trust him.

****

**VI. Twenty-three Years Old**

****

The car had come out of nowhere. One minute Ryan and Spencer had been walking to get lunch, and the next Spencer was on the ground, bleeding out in Ryan’s arms as he screamed for an ambulance.

****

The paramedics arrived, trying to pry Ryan away from him, but settling to let him hang on to the gurney.

****

“Quick! We’re losing him!” One of the nurses shouts as they race down the corridor. They enter a tile room with scalpels and needles of different sizes all around. Ryan doesn’t notice.

****

“We need at least three pints of,” the nurse quickly flips through his chart. “AB Negative! Shit, shit shit. We don’t have anything. The medical students took all of our O negative, I don’t think we have anything in stock!”

****

“Hey! Sir you can’t be in here!” A different nurse yells, ushering him out.

****

“Me!” Ryan yells, ripping his jacket off and tossing it at the wall, producing his arm. “I’m A negative, you can use me! Just fix him!”

****

“Sir, taking three pints of blood at one time, it isn’t safe.” The nurse warns.

****

“Please, please fix him, fix him now.” Ryan cries. He moves towards the doctor, picking up the largest syringe on the table. “Doctor, do it. You have to!”

****

“Fine, fine!” The doctor calls to two others in the room. “You both work on sewing up the patient’s internal injuries, fast as possible.” They get to work while the taller man takes a gloved hand to Ryan shoulder and guides him to a seated position. Ryan follows without complaint.

****

The doctor carefully pushes the needle into Ryan’s arm, just above his tattoo. Ryan watches the dark red liquid flow in through a tube and into a plastic pouch.

****

Behind them, the other doctors and nurses work frantically over him.

“It’s not enough, is it?” Ryan asks, calling the doctor to attention. “He needs it faster.” The doctor looks guilty before nodding.

****

“My other arm, take it from there too!” Ryan pleads, holding out his other arm to the doctors new needle. “He’s. You have to save him, doctor.”

****

The man obliges, once again piercing Ryan’s skin on the opposite forearm. Ryan breathes out as he sees them finish with Spencer’s vital insides and start working on sewing him closed.

****

He watches his blood travel from the tubes in his arms, to where they meet in one and go into Spencer. The room feels spinny, even though he’s sitting down, he begins to feel increasingly lightheaded.

****

“Now, son, I’m going to need you to sit here, this isn’t ideal, and you’re going to be awfully dizzy for a while.” The doctor says, adjusting one of the tubes before going to check on Spencer.

****

Ryan’s breathing becomes shallow, watching the finally steady rise and fall of Spencer’s chest.

****

The doctor comes back to Ryan, carefully removing the needles from his arms.

****

“You did a really good thing, kid.” the doctor smiles, patting Ryan’s shoulder. “He probably wouldn’t have made it without you.”

****

Across the room, Ryan sees Spencer start to fidget. He tries to stand, to get to Spencer. Once upright, however, the worlds becomes dramatically more disorienting, and Ryan plummets into darkness.

* * *

****  
  
When Ryan wakes up, he’s lying in a hospital bed. His head is pounding and his throat feels like he’s been swallowing sand. Turning his head weakly, he sees Spencer lying in the bed next to him.

  
Spencer is watching him, a small concerned smile on his face.

  
“Hey, Ry-ry.” Spencer says softly. 

  
“Spence,” Ryan whispers, voice hoarse. He rustles with the covers before climbing off the bed. Still unsteady on his feet, Ryan shakily moves the five feet over to Spencer, collapsing in the chair next to his bed. 

  
“Y’know,” Spencer begins as he raises a hand and rests it in Ryan’s hair, petting softly. “That was really pretty stupid, what you did for me.” Ryan shrugs, letting his head fall forward, leaning on Spencer’s hand. 

  
“I was scared.” Ryan admits, nuzzling his nose against Spencer’s side. Spencer pulls his hand back, moving to grab something on the table next to them.

  
“Here, Ry.” Spencer hands him a paper cup. “Drink. You sound terrible.” 

  
“Thanks, Spence.” Ryan says, taking the water. Spencer shifts to the side of the bed, motioning for Ryan to climb in next to him. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

  
“C’mere, idiot.” Spencer smiles fondly. Ryan gently lies next to Spencer, careful of where he puts his long limbs. Spencer looks at him quizzically before reaching his arm over and pulling Ryan close. “Hey.” Spencer says, tilting Ryan’s head up. Ryan looks up imploringly. Spencer tilts his head down, gently touching his lips to Ryan’s.

  
Ryan’s eyes drift shut, returning the kiss just as softly.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know anything about medical stuff, I apologize for anything I might have faulted on? 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
